SuperHack/SuperHack CD.bin/SCRIPTZ/BLACKBOX.EXE/redneck.txt

Text File | 1997-01-29 | 7KB | 326 lines

You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out you Elvis 45's.


You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.


Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.


You no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got cought up your nose.


You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.


That billboard that says, "SAY NO TO CRACK" reminds you to pull up your jeans.


Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.


You go to your family reunion looking for a date.


You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.


Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.


You've got more than three cousins named 'Bubba'.


You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.


Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.


You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.


You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.


On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.


You ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch.


Your favorite entree is Spam barbecued on the grill.


Your child's first words were "Attention K-Mart shoppers!".


Your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.


Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin.


You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."


You never learned to swim because your gene pool is too small.


Your family tree has no forks.


You think the OJ Trial is a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.


You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.


You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.


The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.


Your brother-in-law is your uncle and your grandfather.


You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.


You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.


You use a weedeater in your living room.


You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.


You have a rag for a gas cap.


The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.


You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.


A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.


You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.


Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.


Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.


You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.


Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".


Your dog can't watch you eat without getting sick.


You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.


Mailpouch sends you Christmas cards.


Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.


Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.


You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.


You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.


On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.


You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".


You've ever made change in the offering plate.


If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year,"


Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.


Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.


Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.


You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.


You just bought an 8-track player to put in your truck.


You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.


It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.


You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.


Your pickup has a two-tone paint job -- primer red and primer gray.


Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.


You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.


The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.


You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.


Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow.


You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.


You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.


During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.


You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.


You think the stock market has fence around it.


Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.


You own a homemade fur coat.


Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.



Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."


You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in."


You mark the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.


Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.


You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.


Your school fight song has "Dueling Banjos".


You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.


Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.


You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.


The Home Shopping operator recognized your voice.


The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.


You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.


You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.


Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."


Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.


You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.


The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.


You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.


You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.


Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.


You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins, "For a good time time call..."


All of your four letter words are two syllables.


You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.


Your honeymoon was in Little Rock.


You've ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.


Anyone in your family died right after saying "Hey, Y'all watch this!".


You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.


You have the word "howdy" in your answering machine message.


You wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.


You've painted a car with house paint.


You ever named a child after a dog.


You have more belt-buckles than pants.


Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.


You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.